BEST SUPPORTING APE: This was a no-brainer for my academy. Ken Hale has been giving a solid performance for years, and he just seems to be getting better. Considering that he's an immortal, Ken might be dominating this category for a LONG time to come. Here's to you, sexy!!

MOST WHINING: That would go to Namor, the Sub-Whiner, for all his years of boo-hoo crybaby antics.

MOST DISAPPOINTING SEX SCENE: Hey, Bioware, I spent a week romancing this girl in Mass Effect 2, and then we kissed and hugged and she cried. Where was the pure fun raunch of Dragon Age?

BEST PERFORMANCE IN A... OH GOD I DON'T HAVE THE SLIGHTEST CLUE WHAT'S HAPPENING: That award goes to this woman, who I truly wish was my grandmother, or at least someone who taught school and could help keep everybody from being so damn uptight.

BEST COSPLAY: That goes to Mr. Ron Jeremy, and his delightful costume of Super Mario, known for his astounding ability to jump ANYTHING.

Best Review (Ongoing): That would be, without a doubt, Chris Sims's ongoing review of Twilight. And how do you know that's true.... I think this image proves it. If someone writes comics about half-vampire detectives that punch Nazis and have large-busted companions, then you automatically move up six points on the Reviewer scale, putting you ahead of any Ivy Leaguer with their evening sweaters and their plus fours. BAMM.

Just click on the photo to be whisked to the twitter page for Mr. Sims. Hashtag #chrisvstwilight and let the sweet sweet magic begin. Also, drink a little bit first.

BEST PERFORMANCE WITH ALIEN WOMEN: Yeah. Goddamn right.

BEST OSCAR: Oscar.

You can FLY, Superman. Just get it done.

Marvel STILL refuses to okay my pitch on "Sexy 3-D Man." Something about 'Sexy National Security." Whatev's.

Also... my mustache regimen takes four hours a day.

Slice and dice and worried faces. Patrick Scherberger is the best at drawing anxious characters. Also... Wolverine cutting things.

This is from a comic about fiscal responsibility in non-election years.

Look out! Spider-Man hates these chairs!

Look at me. Just look. I am obviously far cooler than you could even conceive. I have an arrogant cigarette and an insolent chicken. What are YOU in the face of this? Nothing. You are nothing. Now that we have established this... please enjoy the following previews, and have a nice day.

This is the Niko Henrichon cover for Marvel Adventures: Super Heroes # 19. I flat out love this cover, and it's in this issue where I think I really began to get a handle on this title. Click on the image for a preview, and remember, it's already out, so you can run out and buy it RIGHT NOW, most likely leaving work, or blowing off that cute girl / guy in the bar, if you happen to be reading this on your cell phone.

And here's the cover for Spider-Man & the Secret Wars # 2, wherein I answer two problems that vexed me for years in Secret Wars. And no... the questions I answer are not, "Who the hell designed fashions in the 1980's?" or, "Shouldn't someone bitchslap Colossus?" I would have needed 1000 pages to answer the first question, and only one panel to deal with the second. Neither one would make for a good comic, so I dealt with other questions. Click on the cover for a preview.

The procedure for getting into all the best parties.

CAPTAIN AMERICA VILLAINS: This is a frequent type of search for me. I'll want villains of a certain power level, or of a certain type, and I do a search. Usually the searches don't work and I end up just making things up. It's what I get paid for, anyway.

CHRISTIE BRINKELY: I remember doing a search for her because a friend had opined that just because she was a model, she was probably stupid and flighty. I found that rather offensive, so I looked up Christie to prove him wrong. As it turns out, she's quite an intelligent woman, who has done a lot of charity work for the good of the world. Thank you, Christie. We are sorry we made you sit on seashells while wearing a hideous bathing suit obviously designed by someone who hates women, and despises fashion.

CLOVIS TROUILLE: Clovis (1889-1975) was an odd artist who I'm never quite sure if I like or not. I search for his work now and then and try to decide.

COLLYER BROTHERS: Homer and Langley were two packrat brothers who never threw anything away, and whose shared apartment steadily filled with newspapers and magazines and assorted crap until the only way they could navigate was by thin aisles or actual tunnels. Additionally, they were paranoid, and built traps for the unwary into their apartment. Eventually, they died by triggering their own traps, and were killed by tons of falling newspapers. I remember researching them for some project, but cannot remember exactly which one. In closing... some advice, if the Collyer Brothers interest you, try to remember their names, because you DO NOT want to do an internet search for, "men killed by their own junk."

Seriously, my uncle probably does eat pickles. And now, having broached the subject of the Avengers....

My 2nd issue of the "Avengers" storyline is out this week in Marvel Adventures: Super Heroes # 18. This issue brings the Avengers to their full 7 member roster. Avengers Assemble! Click on the image for a preview.

Thanks for stopping by. You gonna eat that biscuit?

Mr. Snickers co-writes many of my stories.

Patrick Scherberger and I put a lot of work into this one, and we're both super-excited to have it hit the shelves. The cover, of course, shows the heroes in their happy time. For the purposes of this comic, "happy time," shall be defined as, "That time before an entire freakin' MOUNTAIN got dropped on them. Click on the image for a preview.

Bonus look at some of Patrick's upcoming work. I love his pencils so much, and the bizarre motion he puts into Spider-Man.

DAREDEVIL ENEMIES: I can't remember the specific time I was referencing Daredevil's enemies. He's certainly not a character I've worked with much, although I'd certainly love to do so. This above image is the 6th image that came up when I just recreated a search for "Daredevil Enemies." Hmmm......... I ain't none too sure this fight is fair.

DAVE COOPER: One of my favorite current painters. Dave used to do comics, and I have an original page of his, but no actual paintings. Frag.

DRESDEN BUTCHER: I sorta love these novels. They're the kind of mind candy that I'm forever talking about how they could be better written, but I CANNOT stop reading them when they're in my hands, so I should just shut the hell up.

EDDY IZZARD MARATHONS: Eddy Izzard is my favorite comedian, and when I read about his marathon-marathon (he ran FORTY-THREE charity marathons in a 51 day period) I had to look it up and see if I had read that right. I had. Wow.

EDWIN GEORGI: One of my favorite illustrators. His use of color was incredibly strange and vibrant. I have two Georgi originals, both of them portraying the same model as this piece, who was used in a huge percentage of his works.

EVANGELINE LILLY: That girl from "Lost." I guess I think she's pretty or something.

FLAMES OF GYRO: I own the original Jay Disbrow art to this magazine / book... but not the book itself. I was looking up how to buy it online. I love Disbrow's incredibly stiff and pulpy art.

FURRY FAN: God help me, I have NO idea why I did a search for "furry fan." This must be another incident of me typing while severely under the influence, and looking up images that I could send to my friends at 3 in the morning in order to ensure that they never go back to sleep. Also, why is there a Storm Trooper in this photo, and why isn't he shooting and shooting and shooting until there's nothing left but his memories of what he'd seen, and then he starts shooting them too.

Even in the chaos of all-out battle, there's always time for a bitch-slappin'.