Excuse me while I mete out JUSTICE!
If you need me today, tough luck, because today I'm all up and hobnobbin' with 10 of my fellow peers, servin' jury duty. Might try to live blog (on twitter) the whole process... though not the trial itself, of course.
This be bullshit. Where is MY sexy judge compatriot? Did I wash mine hair for naught?
Just try to resist dressing up as the Scourge of the Underworld and shouting in court, “Justice is served!”
Last time I served jury duty, the defendant’s name was John Jones, and I had to resist standing up and screaming, “He’s a MARTIAN!!”
Just think how much improved classics like “12 Angry Men,” or “A Man for All Seasons,” would have been with a “sexy judge” character!
Did you seek to provide evidence to the court by lighting up a whole book of matches and whisking it back and forth in front of the alleged Martian’s face, just to see if he’d weaken? lol
“A Sexy Judge for All Seasons,” starring Audrey Hepburn, would still be playing at theaters.
That’s exactly what I was doing when they dragged me out of courtroom.
“Can you think of any reason why you cannot be seated on this jury, Mr. Tobin?”
“Oh, none whatsoever! What a lucky opportunity for me to do some firsthand research! I’m a writer, you see, and I’ve just had an idea for a story about a long and expensive trial that ends in a mistrial due to profound juror misconduct…”
That’s probably a wiser method than the one I used, which involved a striptease reenactment of the Battle of Hastings.
If the case involved forging the Bayeux tapestry, that stunt might have boomeranged on you.
But a trial involving historical artifacts would be fun, as would any case that allowed me, as a juror, to unleash my awesome striptease skills. For now, though, I’ll just have to wait until I win an Eisner.
Seriously, though… I’m usually quite happy to do my duty and sit as a juror, but this one was going to be a long trial, full of murky facts… facts that were so murky in fact, that the judge outright told us there were aspects of the event (meaning pertinent facts) that we would simply not be ALLOWED to know, because they could not be spoken of until a completely separate addendum trial, with a different jury. We were all sitting around confused, being told, “We cannot tell you the facts, but we want you to rule on them.” I was SO glad not to be chosen.
…then I came across in my files, notes on the curious case of the stripping juror and the Martian defendant, for which the world is not yet ready…..
When WILL the world be ready, Dr. Watson? When?
I say Holmes, I’ll give that very question some due consideration ….as soon as we return from this expedition to Sumatra!